You are regretfully invited...

Click on the image to see the full invitation in all it's glory.

Invite courtesy of http://wedding-invitation-wording.co.cc/wedding-invitation.jpg

This is exactly what ours will look like. Except Alan is not a doctor, and I am not a cheap two bit tramp. So, other than that...

Psych! Kidding. Also, I don't have a nut allergy. But this IS the first image that comes up when you google "wedding invitation wording." Just so you know.

A tempest in a tea pot

Weddings are beasts, and I'm going to go ahead and put it out there: we're having a small wedding. And there will be family (on both sides) that won't be invited, and there will be friends (on both sides) that won't be invited, and there might be wailing and tears and the rending of garments and the pulling of hair at the injustice of it all. But we want a small wedding, and Alan has a lot of family, and I have a lot of local people, so decisions have to be made, and at the end of the day, we want to keep it small.

Why do we want to keep it small? Well, cost is a factor. Cost is a major factor, even though we're not doing favors and don't have to subsidize parking or anything. We'll be feeding everyone light hors d'oeuvres, yes, but it's still expensive. Plus, we would like to actually have the possibility of spending time with our guests, some of whom will be coming from very far away. But mostly, it's because neither of us enjoy being in the spotlight, being on display, and we don't really see why we should invite every single person we have some sort of relationship with, because weddings are about coming together with the people you know and love best.

So, yes--we aren't inviting people. It's not personal, it's just our preference.

What's Behind a Tradition?

Photo from the State Library Queensland, Australia

As previously stated, there are number of things we’re not planning on having at the wedding. The only one that I felt a tiny twinge about was the “first dance”, even though it really doesn’t fit with our wedding or our personalities. I got to thinking though, what is it about a first dance that I find appealing or meaningful? What’s the point of the first dance?

I don’t think it’s to show off the happy couple’s dancing prowess, nor is it meant to be a big grandiose performance. Suddenly turning a wedding into an episode of Glee or a Bollywood movie might be fun, but it doesn’t really have anything to do with what a “wedding” actually is.

To me a wedding is about standing up in front of everyone you know (or a portion thereof) and declaring that this is the person you’re going to love for the rest of your life and then celebrating that love. Traditions like a first dance give the guests an opportunity to witness the happy couple in love. It’s an intimate moment, but one that’s still socially acceptable to watch, where people can see the couple interacting and (hopefully) showing their love for each other through their body language.

The “clink clink smooch” thing serves the same purpose, except it surrenders control of the moment into the hands of your guests which can be highly unfortunately if they’re drunk and obnoxious.

But now, knowing the point of the first dance, we can look for other opportunities to serve the same purpose in ways that our more us. Ways as simple as holding hands as we walk around the reception, or more formal like cutting the cake. That's another moment when we see the bride and groom interacting in an intimate moment: feeding each other (which is of course why smashing cake in the person’s face is obnoxious unless that’s really how the two of you express your love for each other).